I considered writing a “Father’s Day Gift Idea” blog but there are too many of them, and honestly favorite gifts have always been handwritten notes and cards from my daughters. My 13 year old daughter, Genesis, has put some of the best combination of words together; she knows exactly what to say. My 7 year old, Olive, always brings her cuteness and lovability through colorful flowers and hearts. These things always end up in the tub of stuff I’ve been saving for years. The written word is the best gift of all.
And for years, as I’ve developed GenesisCCM.com into the single parent app it is, I was unknowingly opening a door of communication I didn’t know existed. All sorts of dads began emailing or messaging me, even some I’ve spoke with on the phone. Each have thanked me for developing a much needed system to keep frequency of contact records with our children, and each have shared very personal stories of their own situation. And us men aren’t supposed to be great communicators but I cannot believe that is true.
The most common message I’ve received is that the courts are being unfair to fathers; that there is a bias in this system favoring mothers and it is obstructing the relationship between children and their dads. There are dads out there begging to spend more time with their little ones, and whether it’s a court order or the other parent, there are very little options that will change that. Many dads are left to rely on hope, while others become hopeless.
I’m not convinced that all fathers have rights either, that there is a great number of men that haven’t learned to be dads, continually choosing themselves over the opportunity of a relationship with their children. There are many men that can be harmful, either emotionally or physically, and supervised visitation, or none at all, is a necessity for the health of the child. I’m not writing about these ones, where the intervention of the court is necessary to prevent harm to a child. We’d all be better off, especially the children, if these deadbeats would stay dead to the rest of us.
In the end, it’s all about the relationship parents have with their children and the encouragement of that relationship by the other parent. I know there are plenty of dads out there that yearn for more time and it’s being withheld by the mom because of her anger towards him as a man for his past indiscretions. There is a lot of hurt and negative emotions involved in separation and divorce; I’ve been there and I’ve acted immaturely. But we need to preserve the relationships of the child with both parents, and as stated before, we must encourage the relationship regardless of how we feel about the person, man or woman.
So this Father’s Day, besides hoping I get another personalized something or letter from my daughters, I ask that we open the line of communication and finding compromise; the feeling that we CAN work together soothes the soul. As a dad, my problem was going in thinking that, “I HAVE A RIGHT TO 50/50 AND I WON’T ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS.” That was a mistake, and though my name is on the birth certificate, I should have spent that energy trying to find common ground. Nobody likes going to family law court and yet we show up in droves. There are over 6,500 divorces filed in the United States every day. Let’s look at other alternatives, such as mediation or using the same attorney, because when the parents can get along and start helping rather than hurting, it will benefit the one person that matters, the child.
I think that’s what many dads, at least the ones that care, truly want for Father’s Day; for their relationship with their children to be unobstructed and encouraged for a change.
Thanks for reading. Come find me at Full-Time Daddy on Facebook, or feel free to use GenesisCCM.com, a free child custody manager for single and separated parents. I’m also accepting donations via PayPal to keep GenesisCCM free for all. Any amount helps us expand to reach more users, moms and dads alike.