I contacted my friend Carla, owner of Huckleberry Market on California’s central coast. I needed a quote on roses. I inquired, “How much does 10 dozen roses cost? I don’t need a vase, only stems. And can this easily be carried?” She replied, “You will look like you’re carrying a rose garden and it would be $648 with tax.”
That’s the cost of The Girlfriend Experience; 120 roses.
Online dating and I have a love-hate relationship. Most online profiles of women I run across, with exception to the aforementioned, consist of the following:
- Mentioning they are not looking for hookups
- A famous quote about life, or what they’ve learnt in life so far
- Selfies while they lay in bed, with or without the duck face
- Their love to travel and dance
- A car selfie with sunglasses on
I’m no expert with online dating, and I’m not in a rush to get into a relationship, but let me share with you what has worked for me. It’s helped me get rid of the junk. And speaking of junk, men, quit it. You’re the only one that thinks it looks fabulous.
- Even though I’m encouraged to fill in the About, I don’t fill it with stuff about me; I write about her. It’s much easier to write about, and clearly depicts what I’m looking for, a best friendship. Women have Prince Charming; I have Princess Goofball. When I think about her, I think of this messy, unorganized and slightly clumsy woman that has natural beauty, with or without tattoos. I think of shoes and empty water bottles battling each other on the floorboard of her car while she belts out Girls Just Want to Have Fun; the major factor for her horrible driving skills. I think of someone fun, happy, and the only thing she takes seriously is not being so serious. She has to be in love with herself. Most of all, I want someone just as goofy as me, making me laugh whether she intended to or not. That’s the type of girl I see myself falling in love with. This perfectly imperfect person never working for perfection and living comfortably in her own skin; skin I’d like to touch one day but not today.
- End the “cray,” the “bae,” and the “rachet.” An LOL doesn’t belong at the end of every sentence. Are you 15? Oh, you are. Another reason why guys sending images of their junk is a bad idea. I’m looking for someone I can talk to. Even if she’s the beautiful bae with a little cray, her ability to communicate is rachet. (And I really hate that my spell check has underlined all these words in red and I’m going to submit it this way)
- I say no to duck face. You think it’s cute, I think it’s not. It looks closer to a fish-face, and it’d look better if you bit the inside of your cheeks, and much funnier. It’s the look that Grandma chases me with trying to smother me with her kisses. Grandma will win, you will not. It’d be funny “if you keep making that face it’s going to get stuck that way” was true. These photos are speaking thousands of words for you. I had a friend choose my photos for me.
- BE FUNNY! BE FUN. BE YOUR BEST YOU. EVERYONE LIKES HAPPY.
- Don’t feel like you need to keep waiting to see how this goes. End it if you’re not feeling it. I got up to 77 matches before I realized it was unnecessary. I’m down to two, happily accepting and disconnecting as I go. It’s a tough thing to do as a guy, saying no to a beautiful woman that could be my wife but it’s necessary.
I’m not looking for my wife anyway. Like I said, I’m looking for my best friend; one who hates roses.
Originally posted at HuffPost
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