I Am Not Okay
Sep12

I Am Not Okay

Sobriety is not what I thought it would be. I’ve an abundance of experience in not drinking, I’ve done it quite a few times. Consider me an expert. I know exactly what to expect. Loneliness. Fear. Escapism. I play the warden of my incarceration, solitarily confined to my own head, both victim and inmate. Just don’t drink. Oh how easy that sounds. Skin crawls, sleeping in 30-minute increments, irritable of everything and nothing. But...

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This Makes Me A Little Nervous
May27

This Makes Me A Little Nervous

Last night I got home and was completely exhausted, wanting to X myself across my new queen bed while my singleness remains for an unknown period of time. It’s a bittersweet feeling but you know exactly what I’m talking about. Standard protocol upon arrival is to leave a trail of clothing, front door to bedroom. It begins by the loosening my belt, unbuckling my pants, and letting gravity take over while I pull my shirt off. While my...

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The Now That Faces Me
Jul17

The Now That Faces Me

It was Thursday, November 17, 2011 at 11:36pm.  I had just posted to Facebook, “Good god I am so sad and can’t call on anyone.”  The comments to follow from friends and family were filled with God, love, and hope.  I didn’t give a fuck, especially about God.  I felt like his whole goal in life was to fail me.  And now, all of a sudden, I have friends that care?  Bullshit.  They like the drama.  I’m a good provider of that.  I was...

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