What I Want in a Woman

I started online dating a few days ago.  I posted on Facebook to ask my friends which dating sites they did, do, or would use.  There were a bunch, including Craigslist which could possibly be my last resort, but the overall consensus was Match.com, so I signed up for a three month subscription.  A few of my friends have gotten married from online dating, so I saw good in it and felt safe.  I spent about a day working on my profile, figuring out what I would say, how I would say it and which photos I would include.  My particular profile was rejected about ten times before I had to call their customer service, reassuring them that I’m a unique individual.  It’s likely I’ll change my profile a few times before I start getting the response I’m looking for.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to write what I think they want me to say, but to dig into the real me, in hopes of finding as many things as I can with what I want in a woman.

I’ve never been a “dating” type of guy.  It’s not me.  I go on one date and bam, I’m all up in a relationship.  My friends hate it because we’ll be hanging as usual and then all of a sudden some sexy Amelia Earhart does a loop-the-loop, steals me and takes me to the Bermuda Triangle.  It happens so fast that I can’t even say goodbye to my friends.  I disappear and since they’re so used to it, no one files a missing persons report.

Then, on some dark and cold night, months after my disappearance, I’m found curled up in a ball, lying naked in a gutter with my guitar and a wet cigarette hanging out of my mouth.  My heart is broken, and it’s my fault.  The ejection button was pushed and I didn’t have a parachute.  What happened was that I chose to be with a woman who is famous for flying solo, picking up passengers but not knowing it was for one-way trips.  The realization that I have been looking for the wrong Amelia hits me.  I should have been spending my time searching for Amelia Bedelia, not Amelia Earhart.

There is beauty in Amelia Bedelia, even though she screwed up all of the time.  Her mistakes were caused by taking figures of speech and acting on them literally.  There was mess, destruction, confusion and chaos.  When she was asked to dust the furniture, she’d put dust on the furniture.  When told to steal home plate, she took it.  And she did a hell of a job at drawing the drapes.  The best part of Ms. Bedelia was her good intentions.  You couldn’t be mad at her.  She could always make you laugh, even when she wasn’t trying.  And her form of asking for forgiveness was usually by baking a pie or a cake.  It showed humility in her, and an admittance of weakness and a reassurance that no matter what happens or has happened, she’s trying her best the best way she knew how.

I’m not looking for a maid or a servant, and I’m certainly not looking for a dumb ass either.  She doesn’t have to have a degree, she doesn’t have to have a nice car, and I’m completely okay if she is still living with her parents.  She can have children, or she can be unable to bear them physically.  She doesn’t need to have big boobs or a perfect body.  I do need to see her face without makeup at some point because some girls are false advertisers and I hate being bamboozled.  She’d be encouraged to wear that maid outfit sometimes, but she doesn’t have to.  As a matter of fact, one of my favorite looks of a woman is sweats with a hoodie with little to no makeup on, especially on a weekend morning.  She can have tattoos or she can have none.  She can have as many piercings as she likes, but if she has those giant plugs in her ears, stretching out her lobes like she’s making spaghetti, that’s a deal-breaker.  She can have a bald head, or hair down to her feet.  She can have a lot of money, or very little.  She has to be trying in the areas that are most important to her.

What I truly want in a woman is a connection with her so unique that we’re the only two people that can share it.  A type of relationship that is stronger than the ones we have with our best friends, where maybe she’d consider farting in front of me if she thought it was going to make me laugh.  By the way, it would.  I want a woman with a creative heart, who is inspired by life and happiness, with or without me.  I want a woman who isn’t so concerned about having everything in order always, and knows how to relax in the time, wherever we are, and just be.  I want a woman that knows how to make me laugh, and can lay on sarcasm so strong it’ll force me to up my game.  I want a woman that is confident and strong, but knows when to be weak and lets me be strong for her.  I want a woman who lives a life full of perfectly good mistakes, so long as her intent is to pursue happiness.  I want a woman that tries to see the good in all things, especially when it’s difficult for me to do so.  When it comes down to it, I want a woman; a real one.

In closing, and out of the love and respect I have for my daughters, this woman I speak of does not have to be a mother to my daughters.  If she wants to be motherly, great, but they have mothers and they are perfect for them.  The only thing I would ever ask of any woman is to encourage the relationships they have with their moms, and promote the good in all of us.  If you win my heart, you’re going to win the heart of the two best smelling turds in the whole wide world, who happen to fart in front of me all of the time.  They learned that from their moms. 🙂

Author: Full Time Daddy

CEO of Olive Us, LLC Founder of GenesisCCM.com Single dad to two amazing daughters

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51 Comments

  1. O my that’s so cute & sweet ! Hope you have a few thousand brothers !!! Lol good luck on your search , too many get caught up in $ & keeping up with the Jones & forget to enjoy life ! Laughter & simple loving the company you have ;)& haven’t found yet ?

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    • You sound like quite a guy..You are handsome and comical. It is tough out there finding someone “true” these days, I blame society, however, dating sites? I am sure if you just give it to God… and wait, she will be there, like a cool breeze on a warm day. If you quit thinking so hard about it, that is when it will happen..and you will know. I know you will find her. Personally at 50, I have gone through two serious relationships, I know what I want and I am ‘picky’ I have given it up to God..I have saved myself a lot of turmoil this way and privacy interruption. Good luck Handsome!

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      • I understand what you’re saying KD. It seems to me there is a stigma around dating sites. When I posted to my FB and asked my friends, I found many of them private messaging me about it.

        I don’t see anything wrong with online dating. There are plenty of places to go to meet women, but with me and how busy I am with the girls and work stuff, it seems to be a better option for me.

        And thanks for the compliments, wanna go out? 😉

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    • Kara,actually, I do have a brother, 22 months younger than me, plays guitar like a whiz kid but he’s not as good looking as me. 😉

      Thanks for the comment. I have a clear picture of what I’m looking for. Like my mom said, “You need to kiss a few frogs first.”

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  2. There are so many women out there that are searching for the same thing. I tried Match.com and it was not the best experience. I found that people didn’t always turn out to be what you thought they were. I was very much like you, I never cared for dating and fell to hard to fast. My husband past away a little over a 1.5 years ago and trying to navigate dating again after 13 years is very different. I assure you there are women out there that are what you describe. Sure of themselves, always striving to be the best they can be, real women. We want the same thing. A man that can make us laugh, be honest, comfortable with who they are and someone that will accept us as we are. I wish you luck out there.

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    • Sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like you know how to get back on the saddle. I’m just now starting this online dating thing. What helps is being able to keep a distance, instead of cannonballing myself right back into a relationship. Ewww. 🙂 Thanks for the comment Jennifer.

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  3. I’m with KD -leave it to the higher powers of whatever you believe in- I’ve tried various dating websites and found them to be depressing and scary – no one is looking for anyting but a hook up – that goes for both men and women – I am happy with my life being single and care free – the right one will come along when the time is right and when I leaset expect it – and it will be magical:)

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    • Fortunately I only signed up for a 3 month subscription. After that, Craigslist it is! 😉 Thanks for reading Carol!

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    • Aww thank you, thank you, thank you!

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  4. You just melted my heart! I placed my Match on ice because there are no guys out there that think like this. You just gave me some hope!

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    • I’m learning the ropes on this online dating debacle, and bobbing and weaving my way through. It’s the content of their character, not the puckered up lips pictures. Thanks Louise!

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  5. You seem too good to be true!

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    • You caught me. I’m really more like a bearded lady, and I have one good tooth left. 😉

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  6. very well said! just know you aren’t alone in your search. its very hard these days to find people who allow you to be yourself without wanting to change you.

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    • Very true, but I think that has been my own fault. I made the choice to give a false impression, as so as she, and eventually it’s just not going to sustain itself. This time around I think I’ll just be me, and someone will find me, and in time she’ll love me, then she can yell at me and then we go have sex and everything is back to normal. 🙂

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  7. Are you real? This is the sweetest.

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    • See the comment I wrote to Jasmine. ^^^

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  8. How sweet. This is what I’m looking for. Many frogs have been kissed here…and they stayed frogs…but I’m not looking for a prince anyways. Looking for my compliment. Someone that makes me better and i make them better. Someone to laugh with and love with. 🙂 good luck with love:)

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    • Thanks Sarah. I heard you can get warts from frogs. Be careful.

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  9. Hi. Wow. Not sure why I’m commenting :-). I want to applaud you for your honesty and vulnerability. There is something about writing that causes us to look under stuff to find who we truly are and what our criteria is. Having put your thoughts and intentions in writing, what you desire shall come to you. P.S. Your daughters are lucky to have an opportunity to experience a dad like you!!

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    • Thank you! But I’m the lucky one. They really make it easy to be a dad. I’m blessed beyond measure.

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  10. It’s nice to see that there are good men still out there. I too have tried the online dating thing and found that men were not truthful with how they presented themselves. I too am so busy that dating just seems like such a hassel. I just keep telling myself that if its meant to be it will be but spending time with someone would be nice. I wish you ALL the luck in the world and hope you can find that special someone. 😉

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    • Thanks Rena! Well, know that I have friends too that are like-mind. I enjoy hanging out with happy people, and when one of my friends starts being all negative, I make them stop. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

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  11. I absolutely loved this. It’s not often you hear anyone tell you what they’re honestly looking for. So refreshing!

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    • Thanks Shanna, it’s only taken a few times of being beaten up, dragged through the streets, and dusting myself off all over again. Most of it is caused by my own choices, but the best part is the choices to make better ones next time. Have a kick ass day!

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  12. You are so sweet an honest. I wish you the best.

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    • Thanks Amber. That’s really nice. Thank you for reading.

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  13. Wow.. I love what you wrote and HOW you wrote it. I used dating sites after my 25 year marriage ended for about six months… I had decided that I would NEVER find the guy I was looking for and was letting my subscription expire. Then I received a 3 page letter from a man that was so honest I had to respond: you are as honest as he was in his…That was in August of 2005 and we just celebrated our 7th anniversary in July. This great guy wasn’t within the mileage area I had defined…so technically we should have never met. God does work in His own ways… keep your head up…n try not to wear that heart on your sleeve… I’ll be praying for you!!

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    • Congratulations! Yes, I’ve notice that my search parameters should be set to “The World” but income, family and living situations makes it less feasible to leave. I’m happy to hear your success story, and you’re a great example of the possibilities of online dating. I guess it happens when you least expect it huh?

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  14. Aww I think that’s kind of what we all want….but for women, generally it’s men….well, sort of… but you know what I mean :p

    Good luck on your search, and don’t stray from what you want!! Also….don’t bother searching, it’s how you end up attracting what you DON’T want….just keep enjoying your life with your little ones, and eventually you will cross paths with the right one!!

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    • I may have not found her yet, but I’m learning what I don’t want. The part that I really enjoy is literally reading the emails, messages, and their profile. I’m a sucker for decent (not perfect) grammar, and originality. So if the cover looks good, the judgment is solely based on the content from that point forward.

      Thank you for reading! I’m planning a new post, and I would love to have followers contribute their stories of online dating. Successes and failures. And I’ll put it all together in a “What Not To Do While You Online Date.” What do you think?

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  15. You are a very talented and creative writer. I see a lot of my writing style as I read your blog. With that said, you stated you often go for the women who fly solo. That used to be me also. When I dug a bit deeper, I realized I wasn’t ready to fly tandem. Be sure you’re ready, too! Best wishes!

    P.S. I, too, am crazy about grammar. Something so wonderful about a person who can properly cross their t’s and dot their i’s.

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    • And lowercase j’s. 🙂 Thanks for the insight. That’s why this time around I’m going to have patience, and not cannonball myself into it like I’ve done in the past.

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  16. This is a delightful article, hopefully you used it in your profile and landed the perfect lady, it certainly would have worked on me. Well done!

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  17. OMG that was the sweetest and most honest thing I’ve read in a long time and so sincere and real. I hope you find the love you are searching for. It’s not easy to find the right people.
    I loved your blog post about your eldest daughter and forwarded to a lot of my friends that are single dads regarding handing their once little girls growing up. You have an amazing relationship with your daughter and that will shine through in many other aspects of her growing up. I enjoy reading your blog posts cause it helps me see the other side of the single parent life from a dads view so thank you.

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  18. This is the most honest thing I have ever heard and yeah one might wonder, “is it too good to be true,” however the fact that you can see your flaws and you know what you want is completely incredible. Not many men can accept a woman for who she is inside and out. We try so hard for the tight abs and perky boobs and perfect eye liner. As a divorced mom of one 6 year old boy I am absolutely thrilled that you as a father is sticking up for his rights as a dad. You deserve as much custody and as many rights as a mom. Keep busting your butt and those girls are going to be incredible grown women some day. 🙂

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    • Incredibly** I should have edited lol

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  19. Great article! Well written and humorous. 🙂 Seems like your list of wants are realistic. Just be careful from on line dating websites. Lots of repeat offenders, lol lifers who hang out and check in every now and again, she-males lol, people typically misrepresenting themselves in various ways from top to bottom or just bottoms. Or just tops lol. The other sites aren’t any better. It’s just to which degree of deception you’re willing to endure. Sad but true. At least that’s been my experience as a “female seeking male” 🙂 ahhh the ever eluding search is exhausting….I’m thinking the better plan is to keep doing what you love doing and someone will come along and join you and eventually stay because they love the life you’ve built. Please don’t do craigslist unless you’re looking for something “used” lol online Dating sites eh save you’re money and hang out at a cool breakfast nook with your babies and maybe even get a puppy. That’s a chick magnet! And it will love you unconditionally. If you ever want to start collaborating on a writing gig hit me up as those young kids say 🙂 good luck with finding the love of your life ❤️

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    • Why THANK YOU Geri. I’m not THAT eager to be in a relationship. I’ve always been the relationship type guy. I don’t have much time to date anyway but you’re right, keep on keepin’ on and she’ll come along and ride this wave with me one day. Thanks for the comment, and if you have something in mind about a writing gig, consider yourself “hit up.” jon (at) oliveusllc.com

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  20. Wow! I loved reading this. What a shame you’re not Australian 🙂
    All the best!

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  21. Oh my goodness! I’ve heard rumors that men like you existed, but don’t think I personally have ever found one! I love your writing style – personal, witty, comfortable, filled with insights – and I love the realness and honesty behind what you say. You are a braver soul than I – having been married and a mother to 3 beautiful and rambunctious little boys, building a life that I was enjoying, trying desperately to untangle and reweave all the threads of that life as it began – and kept – unraveling … with little indiscretions on my husband’s part, an illness that hit out of the blue and shook me to my core, then the fight for my little boy’s life, fighting to breathe – to learn to breathe and put one foot in front of the other after my son’s death, the devastation following the discovery that my husband had, throughout the entirety of our marriage been living a sordid, secret double life, his departure (though not without a fight), followed by more fighting, only this time, to save my other 2 sons, to keep our home, to find a job to support us as I had been a stay at home mom and full time Dr. Mom before … and all of this while looking back on the life I thought I was building with my husband , now realizing what a huge lie it all was – except for the tremendous love I have for my boys! These last few years have been an uphill battle for sure, filedwith many different hurts and growth and shone definite victories and yes, I’m broken, but beautifully so. And I so admire men like you who are honest and introspective, full of dreams and life and pursuing both … you are braver than I for stepping out there, for getting your feet wet, for blogging with such hope! Whoever God has for you, she’s one lucky girl! Be patient. One thing I’m sure of: God has the perfect woman waiting for you!

    P.S. I am a big grammar person, too. I get the importance of dotting the i’s and the little j’s and crossing the t’s … yet as I write this, I’m suddenly overtaken with the thought that my comments have been overly rambly and perhaps not the most grammatically correct … 😕 Anyway, keep doing what you do! God bless!

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  22. Im not amelia Earhart but i sure am Amelia Bedelia

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  23. I started dating a good dad that was 8 years older than me. The problem was that he was so focused on being a good dad, he ruined what we had. He blew off anything important to a realationship, dating and dates, our one year, both valentines, and numerous other ocassions all for the sake of being a good dad. Funny thing is I have two girls and I never did that to him. I also never stopped being a good mom. Needless to say, I am weary of dating “dads”.

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    • I wouldn’t let one person determine who you’re going to date in the future. If I did that, I would end up being a cat lady. But I wish you the best, and thanks for sharing your experience.

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  24. I’m scrolling through Facebook after getting home from my camping weekend and all I could think was ” 😫 Why am I not home able to go on this date with this loving, hilarious and to good to be true man?” Lol I truly feel like everything you said is how I feel. I don’t have the time to go out and find someone like the good old days. Online dating… Well… Umm… Let’s just say I’m tired of BOYS hitting me up acting like they want to get to know me when all they want is a booty call. BYE FELICIA! Lol. Alright, so here’s the bottom line. Where are you?? And where have you been all my life because here I AM!!!! Lol

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